Afraid to Courageous

Change, the word alone starts my heart racing.  Change?  Change what? 
My hairstyle, my outfit, my plans, my life?  What do you want me to change?  

Then the next question is WHY?  I am comfortable right now, why does something have to change?  

Change, that one word alone can bring to mind so many negative thoughts for me.  Why do I look at change as negative?  Why can’t I see change as positive, an adventure, as something to look forward to? 

 

I think the reason is that change equals NEW.  A newness in some way, a break from routine, from the same old day to day activity, the comfortable rut we get ourselves into.  Change means something will be different and that means I will be different too.

And if I have to be different, then I am  AFRAID! 

So how do I approach CHANGE with more COURAGE?

It took me a long time to find out how to do that, a lot of years fighting change, fighting plans shifting in my life, and years of wondering how I can stop change from happening.  You would think I would have been used to change.  We were an Air Force family for 20 years.  That meant changing where we live, our assigned locations, many times.  I got used to that change.  Moving meant a new home, a new city, new church, new friends, but still the same me.  I got to be a wife, a mother for my 3 children over the years, the same me.  I knew I had years of being at home, raising them, a few part time side jobs for some extra cash for our family, going to night school to get my degree, but there was a plan.  It all led up to post Air Force life, moving back to a location we liked most of all and Brian still working 9 to 5 doing something related to what he had been to school for and trained to do during those 20 Air Force years. It was all working just fine,  I thought we were moving toward the ultimate married life plan, growing old together with our kids and then grand kids around us, in a nice home, someplace out west, we liked the mountains, and we would have free weekends, weeks to travel during the year, a COMFORTABLE life.

Then God threw us a curve ball.  See HIS plan for my life was not my plan.

When Brian announced he was going, to go back to school to become a Lutheran Pastor the word CHANGE was like a neon sign flashing above his head in bright red!   You see God’s plan meant changing my life too.  It was a calling not just for Brian, but also for me.  I had to figure out what that meant for me, to be a Pastor’s wife.  While he had all those years of classes, Greek, Gospel, Leadership, I had my own classes, life lessons, many painful ones, God used to draw me closer to Him and to educate me on how to do the one thing he needed me to do.   TRUST HIM!

For me CHANGE needed to equal TRUST.  Trusting God had the plan, and I just needed to follow Him.  He would provide, he would show us the way to go and I needed to not fear CHANGE anymore.  Then he planted these verses in my heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13  ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

I have studied these verses for years, realizing that verses 12 and 13 are the key to believing verse 11.  You have to Trust. You have to build a relationship with God and how do I do that? Verses 12 and 13: By seeking Him with my whole heart, by praying He would guide my steps each and every day.

Do I have it all figured out now? Of course not, but I am not AFRAID anymore. We have moved back to our home state of Wisconsin,(no mountains here). We are in our first church assignment here and it is a challenging call.   I am still figuring out what my life is about here.  But now I see change as an adventure.  When I find that old FEAR creeping back in, I tell myself to TRUST God and to let him lead.  To follow HIM with my whole heart because He knows what he is doing, and He has not let me down.  He gives me the strength to go on, and to face the future knowing HE will be by my side, night and day, showing me the plan, step by step.

So for me Change now equals Courage not Fear.  Courage to be ok with not knowing what tomorrow brings but being secure in knowing God has the plans, He will not leave me and I just need to Trust Him. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

Describe a time when the peace of God helped you through a stressful situation.

For me it was the day my dad died.  I had moved home to care for him and my mom who had been very sick that year.  He was in the hospital an hour from their home so it meant daily long car rides between the CICU where dad was after a heart infection and then a stroke and my mom who was back home.  I would listen to Christian music on the radio and talk to God each day while I drove each way.  The day I knew Dad was going to die was a very cold early November morning.  I left in the dark and started to drive south.  I was crying and asking God to help me because I knew I had to sign the papers to take him off life support, I had medical power of attorney for both of my parents.  I asked God to let me know that I was doing the right thing about a 100 times while I drove south.  And boy did He show up that morning.  The sun came up about half way there, and it was spectacular that day.  Pinks, blues, yellowy- orange… and the clouds were amazing, they were rows of wispy angel wings like I had never seen before.  I pulled to the side and sat looking at the sky and I felt a peace come over me.  It was God telling me that it would be ok, He was there and I could do this.  So I dried my eyes and drove on. 

 

When I got there, I parked in the familiar lot, same place I usually parked on the weekend, and walked inside.  I talked to the head nurse and he told me there was no hope, Dad had crashed during the night and he could not breathe alone anymore.  So I gathered my brothers and extended family, they brought mom and we said good bye.  I signed the papers, stood back and let them all spend time with Dad.  I had been there the whole month, we had a long good bye during those many hours the two of us were alone before the stroke, watching golf on the golf channel, and talking about the Packers season which at the time was not great (they won the Super bowl later that season), and then watching him sleep after the stroke, hours which turned into days and weeks of peaceful sleep for Dad.

I was stoic and strong that awful day.  I would not wish the task of signing that kind of paperwork on anyone.   Many people have asked me how I got through all of that and I often said I just did what I had to do.  But I also said, I had God with me, and that meant I was able to do the impossible.    He gave me peace that passes all understanding and he guarded my heart that day. And we grieved together later, when it was over and I was alone with God on the long drive back home.   

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

Describe a time when the peace of God helped you through a stressful situation.

Describe a time when the peace of God helped you through a difficult time. Describe a time when the peace of God helped you through a difficult time.

For me it was the day my dad died.  I had moved home to care for him and my mom who had been very sick that year.  He was in the hospital an hour from their home so it meant daily long car rides between the CICU where dad was after a heart infection and then a stroke and my mom who was back home.  I would listen to Christian music on the radio and talk to God each day while I drove each way.  The day I knew Dad was going to die was a very cold early November morning.  I left in the dark and started to drive south.  I was crying and asking God to help me because I knew I had to sign the papers to take him off life support, I had medical power of attorney for both of my parents.  I asked God to let me know that I was doing the right thing about a 100 times while I drove south.  And boy did He show up that morning.  The sun came up about half way there, and it was spectacular that day.  Pinks, blues, yellowy- orange… and the clouds were amazing, they were rows of wispy angel wings like I had never seen before.  I pulled to the side and sat looking at the sky and I felt a peace come over me.  It was God telling me that it would be ok, He was there and I could do this.  So I dried my eyes and drove on.  When I got there, I parked in the familiar lot, same place I usually parked on the weekend, and walked inside.  I talked to the head nurse and he told me there was no hope, Dad had crashed during the night and he could not breathe alone anymore.  So I gathered my brothers and extended family, they brought mom and we said good bye.  I signed the papers, stood back and let them all spend time with Dad.  I had been there the whole month, we had a long good bye during those many hours the two of us were alone before the stroke, watching golf on the golf channel, and talking about the Packers season which at the time was not great (they won the Super bowl later that season), and then watching him sleep after the stroke, hours which turned into days and weeks of peaceful sleep for Dad.

I was stoic and strong that awful day.  I would not wish the task of signing that kind of paperwork on anyone.   Many people have asked me how I got through all of that and I often said I just did what I had to do.  But I also said, I had God with me, and that meant I was able to do the impossible.    He gave me peace that passes all understanding and he guarded my heart that day. And we grieved together later, when it was over and I was alone with God on the long drive back home.